Ok so stubbornness is as the sin of idolatry. God makes it clear that when someone is idolatrous that that one is adulterous. For example He would say that Israel had played the harlot when she had engaged in idolatry. Thus adultery=harlotry i.e. sexual immorality.
So if your spouse is rude to someone and you become aware of it – they have not exuded the fruit of the spirit but rather the work of the flesh – and thus are in need of their feet to be washed and food and drink for strength for their soul is naked and hungry.
That is they need exhortation and they need grace from God to change.
If they committed actual adultery should we not seek their repentance and their reconciliation? Just as God sought Israel to repent and reconcile with him? So to for rudeness if they refuse to make amends by telling the person they were rude to have done that, and if it was in the presence of others to confess to them as well (if possible) – if they refuse they are being stubborn/adulterous/sexually immoral (the mystery of Christ and his bride).*
As Samuel said to Saul stubbornness is as the sin of idolatry and as God has revealed idolatry is sexual immorality.
Is this still not accepted by you? Well lust we are told is adultery is it not? So too hatred we are told is murder are we not? Thus stubbornness is sexual immorality.
So then you get one or two witnesses since they think it petty and refuse to apologize (if the roles were reversed would they not appreciate an apology?). IF they refuse to change their mind (repent) they have self on the throne this is the abomination of desolation we are to flee – when you see this. Love them but do not keep company with them. Cook for them but do not eat with them.
If they continue in this you are then free to divorce them, for how do you know if you will save them if you remain?
Per matt 18 an unrepentant believer has become a false believer.
So if it be rudeness or actual adultery Jesus was teaching that you should divorce only for unrepentance. We are told to emulate God – to be perfect as he is – God divorced Israel not for her harlotry but because she did not repent of her harlotry.
The only reason to divorce is unrepentance for any issue no matter how small or big – after every effort to bring them to repentance has been tried. For if we are unfaithful in the few we will be unfaithful in the many in fact already are. If we do not treat them as unbelievers we are their accomplice and we have allowed leaven to remain in the body.
We would be enablers Judge as accomplices just as Eli the High priest who rebuked his sons but did not restrain his sons was judged along with his sons.
I know a lady who’s husband not only was having an affair but moved in with his girlfriend. So she filled divorce. This did not change him. But his kids who were 16, and 18 told him that mom has offered you mercy and if you refuse we will not keep company with you – FOR THIS HE REPENTED!!! And are since happy and still married today. They live just a few kilometers from us.
MATT 18 is not done. It is considered loving and gracious to not do it. But Matt 18 is actually a commentary on how to love one another. It is hatred and evil to not do it!!! Matt 18 is simply how to do an intervention which is expanded on in Luke 17. Jesus when he said to love your neighbor as yourself was quoting Leviticus 19:17, 18 and these two passages are a commentary on loving one another. As in 1 Cor. 5 & 6 and so on like Romans 16 to avoid those who cause division, Thess., etc. Where it says not to eat with one who is disorderly so that he will be ashamed. And James 5. Etc.
I was once scolded that doing this (obeying Christ) would shame them. I said ya – as scripture says so that they can come to repentance – it literally says “so they will be ashamed”. So many thing that staying with them and forbearing might save them. That is like giving a drug addict all he needs daily for his habit hopping he will come to his senses to change. You are an enabler and are not helping them but hurting them. Give the addict food, give them a bed, but drug money ONLY if it is a means of weaning.
They need to identify and admit to themselves that they have a problem this opens their ears to then hear from God what the cause of this problem is. This admittance is an offering, a sacrifice, it is how we offer our bodies daily as a living sacrifice.
*They may soften it and apologize in prayer only or to you only. Not enough.
They may excuse it saying it is minor yet Jesus said for EVERY idle word we shall be judged.