Live and let live

So this morning my HP was reminding me about what this little phrase means.

It simply means to treat others the way you want to be treated. Funny how EVERY religion has this saying in one way or another but don’t seem to do it.

If I was being stupid I would want someone to tell me giving me a chance to change.

Reciprocally – now that’s the hard part – not only giving a chance but telling them?

A friend who I inadvertently sponsor has trouble at work. She would never speak up for herself having low self esteem. She would reason that “ya I do mess up often and so I deserve to be treated that way”. I suggested she was making excuses, for the way she is treating herself and that she is being their accomplice in being abusive to herself. (now of course it was said delicately) So she took my advice and simply told her co-worker she could do better. It was emotionally the hardest thing she had ever done, but it was sooo freeing.

A few days later she went to a vendor – the guy there is a bit slimy and would always ask her out, even running his fingers on her skin. It made her want to die inside but she was paralyzed before to ever say anything. Yet this time she found a phrase in her head and a strength – not real strong – it came out kidding and laughing “could you please not touch me?” It just came out – where did I get such strength? Then immediately “ya but you weren’t that strong you laughed as you said it” She shared it with me. I said hey baby steps, but look you have been freed from a bondage due to you treating your co-worker the way you want to be treated. You would want someone to tell you if you were being rude and so you told her she was being rude thus giving her a chance to change, and in so doing you were able to build up your self esteem and ask a sleazy guy to stop which in turn gives him a chance to change. (Months later, she even stands up to her boss – this is why she drank her father was this way. One day she asked me why she keep running into this. I said well HP tells me that you asked to overcome this. If I ask for the ability to run 5k I will need to try and run 5k until I can run 5k. So if I ask to overcome rude abusive people I will need to keep running into and dealing with rude abusive people until I get it. That is what a good coach would do right?)

Live and let live, not just doing to others AS you want them, but not doing to others AS they are too you! When insulted, don’t insult in return. Now that is hard, it seems a natural instinct to do so. My HP tells me that a habit can be soo ingrained that it seems as an instinct but that this is not just revelation this is good news for if we practice a new good habit it too will one day be ingrained as an instinct. I have seen it – when someone does me a foul I immediately, naturally, instinctively say “do you know that you are…..” It is no longer an instinct to judge but to inquire before I judge.

He goes on to tell me that violence is a drug that is hard to quit. This is our typical go to drug to cope with unfairness, rude people, either we way it to them or cowardly we say it under our breath or in our hearts. It poisons our hearts.

I really like “fake it till you make it”. Soo often I don’t understand what he is telling me, but I can choose to try it out. To just do it and see what happens. I guess it is like swimming I didn’t understand how to do it but I tried it until I could do it and once I could do it I understood it. So why is it still so often I expect to understand before I do?

So I tried it. In the moment if I reviled I tried to catch myself – I even asked my HP to point it out to me if I did it. I would apologize to my HP and then say an overriding phrase such as “God bless….”. My HP asked me to go a further step. To ask my loved ones to tell me when they hear me do it. Now at the first few it was irritating to be told but since I asked to be told what could I do?

With this I have learned to be aloof to my environment. You see when needing to confront someone or being confronted I would get more than butterflies my whole body would tremble and shake in fear internally I would be almost paralyzed. Now I don’t care what they will say or how they will respond.

My neighbor is a Pentecostal Pastor, we asked him not to park his motorcycle on the sidewalk so that the stroller and the baby can fit. He responded by telling my wife to go around his bike into the street. WOW! Avoid the religious! We asked him several times. So that I did not hold a grudge to get it off my chest I made an anonymous video about it. No last name, it does not show the plates to his bike, or his address. He saw the video and flipped out! I was surprised to see that it did not phase me internally, he went on an on about how he is going to call the police that they are investigating me, that he hasn’t gone yet out of respect for my wife’s grandfather. So did he go or didn’t he? And if he respects my wife’s grandfather he wouldn’t have told his great grand baby to go around his bike onto the street. (But I can be compassionate I can recognize how hard change was for me, that he is an addict with his own drugs, I cannot change him, but I can change in that I am no longer enabling his delusion)

I find religion to be/become the worst drug there is, making one so vile and putrid on the inside. But to truly live and let live one might end up alone. So can we really do it? Can I go the distance and live this way?

I mean if you are a sheep among wolves is it any surprise that you might end up alone?

I like the zombie analogy. We are waresheep and sobriety and serenity are the cure. We can offer them the cure but if we are not willing to end up alone we will return to being zombies ourselves.

But beware some of them are transwolfites. Wolves trapped in a sheep’s body! 😉 For such there is no cure!