What are they really saying?

A thirteen year old girl in our church community was raped by her uncle. It had happened more than once. Her father not wanting to do the right thing and turn in the uncle declared it was his daughters fault. He beat her. Due to her trauma she began pulling out her hair. So he beat her to teach her not to pull out her hair

I told the church that the uncle needs to be reported to the authorities. I told the community the father needs to be turned into the authorities lest we be complicit – that is accomplices. If repentant the father would be on probation for three years having been required to see a psychiatrist.

They all said “better to let it go and forgive”.

But this is a crime and we are criminally negligent if we do nothing. Neither are repentant!

Again they said “better to let it go and forgive”. And so I wondered – is this an excuse or really believed? (the man still beats his family their let it go brought no change)

Some time later a brother in our church community was committing adultery. As scripture says I went to speak with him. He said it was none of my business. But his wife is my friend before him and I said she will feel betrayed if I don’t tell her I would rather you told her.

Jesus said to get a witness. So I sought one and they said to me “better to let it go and forgive”. But Jesus said to talk to him NOT to let it go. Jesus said if we love him we will keep his commandment to get a witness and talk to our brother.

Oh brian just let it go why would you want to cause trouble?

Then I wondered. Is this an excuse?

If you are not willing to be witness you will not inherit the kingdom of God.

If we are unfaithful in the few we will be unfaithful in the many.

When anyone says let it go and forgive what are they really saying? Many times it has been drilled into their minds and they are just regurgitating what they know. But most the time it is an excuse for selfishness, laziness, and just pure evil.


MARRIAGE commentary on 1 Cor. 7:10-16

10 Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart

from her husband. 11 But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.

12 But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. 13 And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him.

14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy.

15 But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. 16 For how do you know, O wife, whether

you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?

Now with commentary:

This letter is Paul responding to a letter. We don’t know what they asked but we can guess with what he answers. It’s like hearing someone on the phone and you can kinda get what the caller asked.

10 Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: [Hes tell us what God told him not his opinion] A wife is not to depart from her husband. [So it would seem that they were asking if there is any longer any point to being married at ALL. This is why earlier in the chapter he speaks about young ladies if they should EVER marry. And so God is saying that Yes remain married and still get married. There is still a need for marriage, for God desires Godly offspring – that is children raised in a fair home Malachi 2:14,15] 11 But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife. [So if a woman does leave her husband in the service of the Lord or visa versa, i.e. God sends you to a far country without your spouse you know you wont see each other for a very long time, you are STILL married. Or if you think you should live alone You definitely cannot remarry. This is not a legitimate reason to divorce. (for a legitimate reason see this article http://bit.ly/1MnIL2v )]

12 But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. [They were asking that as new spiritual beings do we not give up marriage, all together? No we still marry or don’t marry as God may call us individually. If you were married when you believed remain even if the spouse is an unbeliever] 13 And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. [willing to live, that is the unbeliever has no desire to depart or cause for you to put them away (divorce)] 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. [If you have an unbelieving spouse they are sealed without believing. What does that mean? Well its like in Egypt with the Passover, your door is marked and nobody will die when the destroyer comes he will pass over your house despite one or more inside DON”T believe.]

15 But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. [You are free to be single or to remarry if THEY leave, IF THEY initiate the divorce. But if they have violated the marriage contract You can initiate the divorce. See article http://bit.ly/1MnIL2v ] 16 For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife? [don’t fight their desire to leave – allow them to reject you even if you didn’t violate the contract they are by their leaving.]

So we see that some wanted to be extra spiritual and thought that they should no longer seek ANY fleshly pleasure and so not marry or remain married. But no God still desires godly offspring and marriage is his way of teaching us his kingdom principles for thus it says an elder Must rule his house well.

What does it mean if they leave? Most likely they will not want to leave, but if they are doing evil any kind of sin and you refuse to partake – such as to lie for them and may even expose them they will either repent and even come to believe, but will most likely want nothing to do with you.

I counseled a woman once whose husband once again stole money from her to begin again his drug habit [relapse]. His stealing was an embezzlement, a lie he crafted to cheat his own wife. This is abusive and God has not called us to be victims [see article http://bit.ly/1MnIL2v ]. I told her to confront him and if he refuses since she did not have any brothers or sisters willing to help her, she simply put him in “time out”. She should live in the corner of the roof rather than in a contentious home. She thought what I said was unloving and harsh. But when she woke up the next day as she sat up in bed and she supernaturally heard my voice say loudly and sternly “put him in time out”. Now I am on the other side of the world I counseled her over the phone, what she heard was God telling her in his own creative way to listen to the wisdom I gave Brian his words on this matter are my words. She did as I advised and her husband repented, took full responsibility and made amends. It was not easy but it was easier than leaving.

We confront them and if they don’t repent we don’t eat with them. We cook for them and SERVE them the food, but we eat later or at another table. If it was a crime we report the crime providing we have proof, but first having given them the chance to undo or come clean on their own.

This is WHEN you give the greatest love, this is when you risk your life for your fellow man, for “there is no greater love than to lay down [risk] your life for your neighbor”. They may get murderous, they may get worse. Like false imprisonment it either makes you stronger or it makes you bitter, vengeful, and hateful. Them getting worse is their choice and you did not cause it.

Now what this passage does not cover is what if you lived together for years may even have kids together and are NOT married legally or in one or either of your hearts? What do you do now that you are a believer?

There is no “here is how it works” answer. WE need revelation for each specific case. We need father telling the believer what to do and we as brethren only encouraging and aiding in what they hear even hearing ourselves to give them confirmation. Jesus met the woman at the well, she was shacking up with a man and she had already had five husbands. Jesus goes and eats with them. Not only was she a Samaritan – and her boyfriend -, but they were in adultery and yet Jesus stayed with them for two days eating with them. [John 4:40].

Does your state have common law marriage? Does the partner want to get married? The wanting too needs to be for God. The wanting too is for the sake of the Children’s psychological health and the community. Not wanting too is selfish and damaging to all. But don’t be too zealous. In all things led of the Spirit for those who are led of the Spirit ARE sons of God.[Romans 8] Keep in mind Jesus spent several days with them, he began his being with them as an exhortation. He said let fertilizer be put around the tree and give it one more year before it is cut down. Give them time and a chance. But when the time comes if need be when we show up with a chainsaw, when we put our gloves and goggles on and we fire up the saw and they hear the roar of the saw it may be that moment they surrender [Surrender is the fruit we were looking for!].

All things led and guided by him.

Final thoughts:

Even if your spouse breaks the marriage vows (contract) you can bring them to repentance and be restored to them. But if you filling for divorce as a last step does not change their mind (repentance) let them go, how do you know you can save them? If you don’t you most likely are enabling their stubbornness for their selfish behavior and are guaranteeing that they will probably not come around for there is no want, drive, or thirst to change. I know a lady who’s husband was in adultery and living with his girlfriend it wasn’t until she took the steps to file for the divorce that he then saw this was reality and then repented. She had pleaded with him, told him the path for mercy and reconciliation but most the time they assume you are bluffing. Her children too – who at the time were young adults – told him that he is in the wrong and would love him but not keep company with him unless he repented.

Its hard work, but it works – this way of holding accountable and loving your neighbor with correction.

And in regard to divorce in general some are confused for there are passages where God says that he hates divorce. He hates it but it did not say or mean to never do it. God often divorced Israel did he not? Yes he prefers reconciliation but if one side is not making amends the other side is freed.

A negotiation is not a negotiation without divorce as an option and not just a bluff.

He who seeks to keep his life will lose it, but he for the gospels sake loses his life will find it.”



When is name calling helpful and not helpful?

I find that in a way it is always helpful. When someone calls me a name it often reveals their heart. Then there is telling someone what they are likened to when trying to open their mind.

Likening someone to something should be done to help them. Often people don’t want the help so they will hate you for having done so. John the Baptist called the religious a brood of vipers. They were people who bit and poisoned others with their words and teachings. Jesus said they were white washed tombs trying to tell them that they looked good on the outside but were not healthy on the inside.

Then the religious called Jesus and John madmen, devils.

It comes down to motive. Jesus and John were attempting to help them while the religious were attempting to vilify John and Jesus so that they could justify not heeding their messages.

On the other hand when Paul was hit on the cheek by order of the high priest and called him a white washed tomb, he then repented of having done so. Jesus didn’t revile but Paul did! Why? Paul did not give just a rebuke but he showed an attitude of superiority in his rebuke. Had he just said “you strike me contrary to the law does that not make you a white washed tomb?’ it would not have been reviling.

Recently a woman said I was cuckoo. Well let me quote her:

“you are cuckoo…Feel sorry for your family…God bless…hope you mentality improves…I am going to block you and remove your post.”

What had I done or said? I simply said that turning the other cheek means to give exhortation. I quoted from scripture where Jesus had been hit in the cheek and he exhorted the man for having done so. John 18:23

When someone does NOT WANT to hear or even consider what you are saying, they will vilify you in order to justify themselves – she could have just asked me to not speak with her and even to please delete the post. Her overreaction is defensive and thus indicates that she knows the logic is valid, but it goes against her tradition and she felt pain and this pain – which is natural and part of the process – in her ignorance interpreted it as an attack..

I had my 14yr old daughter read her response. She was shocked that a supposed Christian would be so rude and verbally violent while saying “God bless you” she said “as if the God bless you makes it ok to be evil”. I explained to my daughter that it is a natural psychological response.

When people heard the world was round and not flat they initally responded in this negative way because they were close minded on the subject. They refused to consider it, they refused to look at the evidence and instead chose to vilify Galileo calling him a madman and an idiot. When this did not deter him they then killed him. In the same way when Stephen loved his neighbors by telling them that they are resisting the Holy Spirit, that they by having killed Jesus is likened to them having killed the prophets of old, not wanting to hear the truth and possibly repent took it as an attack and so they KILLED him! Keep in mind they felt literal pain in their consciences while they heard this. He pricked their hearts. (heaped burning coals upon their heads)

Today it’s not so easy to have sanctioned murder and so the polite assassination is vilifying you and then slandering you to others.

Blood is literally restricted in the brain, they feel literal pain, this is part of the healing process. But like an infant that gets an immunization they don’t understand that the pain is to benefit them.

I like to quote Star Trek in this matter. The captain is going to do an unjust act and his first officer is trying to reason with him that it goes against who we are as a people and the captain replies:

“I am not gonna take ethics lessons from a robot.”

To which is non-emotional logical first officer replies:

“Reverting to name calling suggests that you are defensive, and therefore, find my opinion valid.”

This woman said I was an insane idiot over a conversation of turning the other cheek and her response to call me names and to block me without any chance of mercy was not in anyway her applying her version of turning the other cheek. “They lay burdens that they themselves cannot lift” and hate you if you dare try to be kind and point it out. “A wise man will receive instruction and become wiser”. “He who hates instruction is a fool”.

No body seems to cares enough to help her see this. Everyone says “I have work of the Lord to do” and or “be warm and fed” as she said to me. If I ask they will even say that I am causing problems rather than the truth, namely they don’t see the importance and would rather not be involved. They too vilify to justify their own selfish way. Or they may say “just forgive and let it go”. And at times an exhortation is enough, but if a repeated issue a mother should be brought in.

For every idle word we speak we will be judged. I would seek to spare them from this judgment. Yet I can tell them only twice and then avoid them. If no body wants to be a witness so that where two or there are gathered there HE is in the midst and so we are HIS body, HIS bride, A MOTHER!. There is nothing more I can do and to try to is to become a problem myself. It is to be quarrelsome and contentious.


It is said to “saved” believers that revilers will not inherit the kingdom of God. Believers seem to have no idea what it means to be a reviler. ( http://bit.ly/1ER9yhr )

When we have a tradition and are not open to hearing it may be wrong someone proving us wrong literally hurts us and can feel like we are being attacked. It is not an attack. For example when Peter had his vision to eat the unclean meat, he was not open to the idea that now he could eat just any meat. So his response was to rebuke God! Very presumptuous to correct God is it not? But God knows this is a natural response to truth and forbore with him.

Today when someone hears such a thing from God they rush to say that they must have heard the devil and not God or that they are crazy and need to be admitted.

Nobody wants to take the time to work things out. Too many jump to take sides, rather than being on the side of fairness. Its funny Father had me say to her “to arbitrarily call someone cuckoo is to revile that person” I then looked up the word arbitrarily and it says “ … forcing your will on others without any regard to fairness or necessity” and synonyms are dictatorial, high-handed, imperious, etc.

She felt attacked rather than informed and her response was to attack! We are commanded to not return reviling for reviling. I neither reviled her nor attacked her and she both reviled and attacked me. She is not open to hearing. We are told to inform them twice and then to move on knowing that such a person is warp minded and sinning. That is they are not open-minded (teachable).

Studies have shown – through a ten year study with MRI scans – that the brain of religious persons set in their ways actually atrophies (decays) at a faster rate than normal.

Being religious is literally bad for your health, maturity, and intelligence.

Jesus said when you see the religious being hypocritical flee!

There is a cure but nobody will bear with new wine in a new wineskin….They see the new wine in their old wineskin and it bursts and this bursting they claim as proof that we should leave well enough alone. Thus nobody matures.


Reviling is a word I use to not understand. In 1 Corinthians Ch 5 is says not to keep company with a brother named a reviler. When I would look at commentaries or ask preachers they would tell me only that it means to blaspheme God.

Since then I have learned to ask God to teach me and one day while walking down the road I heard him say “when you go home look up the word revile in the original Greek in 1 Cor. 5 and study where else it is used, its synonyms, and its antonyms.”

That was a lot of work. The easiest verse that helped me begin to understand what it means is John 9:28 where the exact word is used as in 1 Cor. 5 and not a synonym.

“then they reviled him and said, “you are his disciple, but we are Moses’ disciples.”

Here it is a statement of superiority. Other places are in 1 Cor 6 and in Gal where it says that a reviler will NOT inherit the kingdom of God.

A place that uses a synonym is 2 Peter where it says when they speak evil to you on your part God is glorified but on their part God is blasphemed. The word blasphemy and speak evil IS a synonym to reviler which in Greek is Lidoros.

Then Father spoke to me again and had me read the story of Merriam belittling Moses to Aaron because his wife is black. She reviled Moses saying he was not the best choice due to his wife. But she did not realize she was saying that God was stupid HE did not make a good choice. Thus she simultaneously reviled Moses and blasphemed God. God then gave her leprosy in her flesh to show us what reviling does to our souls. Moses begged for her flesh to be healed and I beg for their souls to be healed and since they do not understand what I understand they see my earnestness as foolishness.

Therefore anytime we are rude, act superior too or insult anyone –EVEN THE DEVILS* – we are a reviler and have blasphemed God.

We can say someone is being evil – that their actions are evil, but it is for God to judge if THEY ARE EVIL! How do we reconcile what I just said with “a brother named a reviler”. The sin we judge is not the reviling, the extortion or the adultery. NO the sin we judge is the sin of excusing sin. So if a brother has reviled we tell him. If he doesn’t hear it we gather two or three and tell him. If he does not repent we say he is reviling he is excusing his behavior thus he is a reviler we judge him a false brother until he at anytime repents. Even if he reviled seven times in a day we seek his repentance EACH TIME!. So we do not declare him a reviler but a brother who had BEEN reviling. We don’t say he IS an adulterer but a brother who has been (doing the action) of adultery.

When two or three are gathered we are his hands and feet, his body, his bride – a mother who is given charge to discipline/train his children.

In my experience reviling occurs for sure when an unrepentant brother is confronted.

Reviling phrases that have been said to me:

your nuts

You are crazy

You are cuckoo

Your mental

Your thin skinned

Who gave you authority

You just want to be right

You are homosexual

Your tricking us for an evil purpose

Your judging

Get the plank out of your own eye

Its none of your business

Your possessed

You have a demon

You hear the devil

You are twisting scripture

You hold a grudge

You are unforgiving

You are a cult leader

That was so long ago

You are dishonoring your parnets


These are said to give a red herring. To deflect and change the subject.

So the commentaries and preachers I talked to and read were correct it is blasphemy but they had NO idea that it was rudeness and superiority! I hear Jesus saying to them “And you are teachers!!!”

*It says that Michael in the book of Jude dared not bring a reviling accusation against the devil. The greek word is not lodoros there but blasphemia a synonm for lidoro.